can’t I have my cake AND eat it too?
The age old desire. the need for everything…..my cake, and eating it, and rolling in it, and possibly having sex in it, on it, around it or near it. Speaking of cake, I had the most amazing Chocolate Lava cake from my favorite wine bar (right down the street from my casa), and boy was it good. So good in fact, that I wish I could throw it up and eat it all over again. But that would mean I am bulimic and that’s just not my thing.
But back to my mission…
Sitting at dinner last night with an old friend, Jack Careawhack, I realized just how much I love SD. I love the air, the attitude, the people, my place, the ocean, the feeling, I love everything about it down here. LA eats me alive. Am I really going to move back? I feel like I have to! But is it just a feeling? I have been known to be very impulsive. Yes, incredibly impulsive, so much so that it actually drives the people that know me best absolutely nuts. But they deal with it in the same way I do. Brush it off. Nod nod nod. Yes, pf, whatever you want. you will change your mind again in 20 minutes, but for the next 20 minutes, yes, that sounds like a great idea! Should I stay or should i go?
Should I keep the place in SD as my retreat? for when I feel like waving my white flag and running for the waves? Should I be realistic and just live in one place? I went nuts when I lived in LA. Absolutely freaking nuts. A large problem when I lived in lala, was that I lived with Tye n9ne, and that kid is just an animal. Drinker. party machine. good most nights, but it killed me always having people over up in the casa, I felt a little crowded, even though I had the dopest house and the perfect back yard, and well, everything. Especially the art set-up. fucking perfect. here? No set up. I can’t throw paint around because I have nice wonderful wood floors (as opposed to my cement floor garage). I need to think. Think flame think. you need to really think this one out, no action yet. just let the thoughts and possibilities run over you, and then….when the time comes, decide. Decide right. Decide what will be best for you.
The problem is, my lease here is up in March. End of March I have to decide whether I will split my life, as it is now, or if I will move it all back up there. Well, not me doing the moving, I’m hiring peoples, fuck all that moving shit around. I’m over that.
I will give it till March before I commit to a decision. Maybe I should sign another 6 month lease to keep me in here through summer, and then at the end of summer, I can decide for goods. Then in the meantime I can get a nice little furnished studio up in the la, and that will be my haven. Is it too greedy for me to want both? Is it too greedy of me to take both? am I already far beyond being able to ask that question with my stupid Mercedes and phat house?
Any advice folks?