Finally got to sleep in my own bed last night. Not that I mind sharing a bed with the very lovely sexy man I’ve been sharing sleeping quarters with, but there is nothing like being able to stretch out and sleep like a starfish (arms out, flat on my tummy, legs kicking out, face down ahhhhhhhhhhhh). And my cat always goes nuts when I get back. She’s siamese so, she can’t really meow like your regular cat. Its more of a ma, ma, ma, and then she follows me around the house ma ma ma-ing, and then into bed where she crawls on my head, and then snuggles in like a spoon, and then back walking on my head and ma ma ma-ing and then back for some more spoon action. I couldn’t sleep until like 3am. Tossing. Turning. Singing Murs “Silly Girl”. Someone post it as a reply to the last blog I wrote, but I erased it in a rash moment. I should have left it it, it was from some dude named 99 problems, but (penny Flame) ain’t one. I feel like I should have left it because he was wrong. Wrong. Murs would have been honest, and not led me on. And he probably wouldn’t have lied to his lady. That being said, you won’t ever hear that boys name out of my mouth again (not Murs, I still love love love murs and probably will till the day I die). not in anger. I’ve left that. Let it go. Didn’t really invest enough of myself emotionally to be heartbroken, so here I am, back in San Diego, and excited for a new day. And a new sexy man.

hmmmm……where should I find him? I wish the cannabis clubs were open down here. I always meet such nice boys in the pot stores. Last time I went shopping in LA, I met the cutest boy and played a couple arousing games of chess. Chess you ask? Why yes, what a perfect stoner sport. unless of course you’re playing speed chess in which case you are probably a lot quicker than me, and a bit more clever. Maybe I just don’t like to commit, and that’s why I can never move my pieces with the quickness. I like to think it all out, play out different things in my head, and when you’re sitting in the pot store, smoking a blunt with a stranger (who is now officially a friend), you find you want to relax into it. Take it mellow. Not that I move any other way.

Maybe I should join eharmony, or match.com. When my webmaster and his lady broke up, he jumped on match, and found the most lovely woman. They have been dating strong ever since. And all stoked on eachother. Then again, I guess you have to know exactly what you want in a significant other if you are going to take that road. No, suppose I can’t do that. Besides, thats really a lot of effort for some dick that I’m just kind of over chasing.

Maybe I need to just fly solo for awhile more. I’ve been single for quite some time, and its been working quite well. Why do I feel like I need someone in my life? Would it prove that I am worthy of loving? no. Would it make it easier for me to sleep at night? Not a fucking chance in hell! If anything, it would keep me up later because then I’ve got this dude running through my mind and sometimes, a boyfriend (or girlfriend) will just drive you crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy. Which is fine, if that is where you are trying to go. But not I, my friends. Not I. I enjoy the sane world and wish to continue living in it, at least for awhile longer, till I decide to have children or some other drastic change that makes your life upheave and your “me-time” turn to “no-time”. Besides, what is the best part about being involved with someone? A STEADY FUCK? hehehe…..yeah……that is what I always thought. Which is probably why my relationships don’t go to well…..hahahahhahahah. Oh god flame, you’re so right on this morning it is amazing.

I did the best scene yesterday for Naughty America. It was great. There was this fine ass MILF named Morgan Ray who is my, Eva Angelina, and Nikki Rhodes drill coach. We are all stretching it out in the Naughty America gym when she comes in yelling like all hell, way too intense and mean. So while she is yelling at us, the girls basketball coach, Coach Christian, comes in to say hello. Morgan starts yelling at him about what a loser he is, coaching girls basketball, and he says “suck my dick”, to which she starts yelling “Oh you think I won’t? Girls let me show you how a champion sucks dick!” and then, of course, dick sucking ensues. It was the first time Naughty America ever shot a 5 person orgy, way to step it up NA, and it was great because being the cheerleader I am, cheering on my girls while they took Christians dick was almost second nature.

Carly Parker was there on set with us for most of the day. Poor thing, her fucking house flooded during yesterday’s dreary rain storm. Well, technically its Demi and Randy Spear’s place, but Carly rents a room in it, and well….talk about shitty. The whole backyard just kind of floated into the middle of Canoga ave. And then part of the house started floating away. All of LA floods when the rain starts, because the city is just not made rain. Not enough storm drains, not enough ways for the water to get to the river. And the LA river was higher than I’ve ever seen it before. Insane kind of. I wanted to get a raft and go down, but of course Darby, my agents right hand man, and my driver to the NA set for the day, said “No penny, you have to go suck dick. You will have to arrange a rafting trip down the LA river another time.” Fine. I will. Maybe I’ll meet a nice boy while rafting down the river. That would be nice.

No, maybe I will meet one when I go out to see my momma. She got me a ticket out to see her at the end of February, and to be honest, I am so excited. It is exactly what I need, a little mom time. Her hugs always make me feel better. I haven’t seen since June and it makes me feel unhappy face. She is such a large part of my life, I hate that she is out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I mean I like it when I get to be out there with her, but I hate that I can’t just drive to my moms house and get a hug. Maybe I will go down to the Naughty America offices in San Diego and collect hugs from them instead. They always make me feel special.

Well, I’m excited about today for a couple reasons. I finally have the inspiration to paint again. That frustration and angst I have been burying like my french press pushes down the coffee grounds can finally come out on a canvas. The inspiration, motivation and time are all available to me now, and today I will capitalize on it. I will enjoy whatever little upset feelings I still have inside, and work them out with oil paints and a brush. And I am going to work out too, in that hard core way that being highly motivated to look better than I ever have goes, and then I’m going dancing tonight, downtown. Dance the night away. It is going to be a good day. But then again, isn’t every day?

I’m going to go see what Christian said about our day on ChristianSingsTheBlues.com. Fucking bloggers obsessed with blogging. Life of some sort? naw, not me. not me.