It started with a kiss. Anybody who has read my blog knows that this is about my most recent fantasy man, Diamond. Diamond and I have been off and on for awhile now, more off than on lately, but with the power of text messaging and a couple days spent together here and there, it made me feel like there was something worth working for. Something to aspire to, and possibly a future relationship. All of that is now dead in the water, and thank god its now before I really allowed my heart to fall in love, and my mind to forgo all reason and logic (as those in love often do.)
I found out last night, as I was leaving Diamonds house, that he has…..a girlfriend??????

and I’m not going to rant about Diamond, or go off, because that last simple sentence did it all.

I will do this. Apologize to his girlfriend. I never would have went after him if I had known. I never would have pursued, or lusted after, or spent time with, or thought about, or fucked if I had known. None of these things would have happened if he had been honest with me about her because I don’t get down like that. I have cheated on enough people in my life to have terrible karmic luck when it comes to all my future relationships, and thats just not me anymore. I’m not scandalous. I’m not a lying two faced whore anymore….
I was. I admit it. But not anymore. I haven’t been for a long time, actually since my last civilian boyfriend, the one who helped me get clean and who I shamelessly fucked over. I will never cheat on someone again. And I won’t participate in cheating because it makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me physically ill. So last night, when I showed up at his house, (as planned) for a dinner that didn’t end up happening, I was fine with sitting downstairs while he was on the phone with someone. I was fine sitting downstairs while he got some work done. Shoot, I was even fine waiting till all hours of the night to go out to a nice meal. But as soon as I found out he had a lady, I was out. Double out. And not in a nice way. Fuck him…..

And I come to find out that he’s on the phone with her lying about me being there, denying any association with me, and especially denying it started with a kiss….part one two and three.

I’m sorry girlfriend. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight, maybe we both should clean out our closets. If you wanna holler, and go out for a drink, you know how to get in touch with me. If you read this. If not…..good luck. Hope it works out better for you than me. and I honestly mean that.

Diamond? Never again. You’re straight back to Mr. X. Right where you should have stayed.